Metacorck loves a good joke

[Metacrock]

from the old boad. I wont weigh us down with these, but just a few.

waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"..."I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man, "same for me," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"..."Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish
for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich
as you want for as long as you live!"..."That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with
everthing I say."

Posted by pontius pilate



BettaWoman Re: Metacrock loves a good Joke or two... #1 [-]


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(02/17/04 17:05:58)

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That's not funny
Bettawoman

Theognosis Re: Metacrock loves a good Joke or two... #2 [-]


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(02/17/04 19:15:17)

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Pontus Pilate Tiny souls: God just loves hearing from them! #3 [-]


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(02/21/04 01:52:33)

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Tiny Letters to God...

Tiny souls: God just loves hearing from them!

Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones,
why don't you just keep the ones you have?
--Amy

Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they
had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
--Larry

Dear GOD,
If you watch me in Church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.
--Mickey

Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the
whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can
never do it.
--Nan

Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do.
Who does it when You are on vacation?
--Jane

Dear GOD,
I read the Bible. What does "begat" mean? Nobody will tell me.
Love Alison

Dear GOD,
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick?
--Lucy

Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling
words in the house?
--Anita

Dear GOD,
Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an
accident?
--Norma

Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
--Jan

Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in Church.
Is that okay?
--Neal

Dear GOD,
What does it mean, You are a jealous GOD?
I thought You had everything.
-- Jane

Dear GOD,
Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you?"
because if You did, then I'm going to fix my brother.
--Darla

presented by pontius pilate





BettaWoman Re: Metacrock loves a good Joke or two... #4 [-]


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(02/21/04 09:15:17)

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Those were great Pointy. Thank you so much - I enjoyed reading those.

Really, we are all tiny souls. Only some of us are too big for our own britches. Bettawoman

Pontus Pilate Re: Metacrock loves a good Joke or two... #5 [-]


Posts: 1078

(02/26/04 20:43:45)

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Geriatric humor

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

Pontus Pilate Re: Metacrock loves a good Joke or two... #6 [-]


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(03/03/04 01:11:40)

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George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time.
>
One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.
>
"Billy."
>
"And what is your question, Billy?"
>
"I have 3 questions.
>
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
>
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
>
And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
>
Just then the bell rings for recess.
>
George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
>
When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's > right ---question time.
>
Who has a question?" Another little boy puts up his hand.
>
George points him out and asks him what his name is.
>
"Steve"
>
"And what is your question, Steve?"
>
"I have 5 questions.
>
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
>
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
>
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
>
Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?
>
And fifth, what happened to Billy?"

presented by pontius pilate

[Metacrock]

this was fro Ponty


The Modern Dentist

I heard a story about a guy who went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. First off the dentist said he would give the guy a shot to numb the jaw. But the guy said he was afraid of needles. The dentist said OK, I'll get out the gas to put you to sleep. However the guy said he was allergic to gas.
So the dentist said he'd look for something else. After awhile he came back with a couple of pills.The guy asked what they were. The dentist said they were VIAGRA. The guy said WHAT! Why these? The dentist said they won't put you to sleep, but they will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth.....

[Metacrock]

bump

[MonolithTMA]

What do American beer and having sex in a canoe have in common?

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They are both f***ing close to water.


The Pretzel Hold

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were facing off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the match, the Irishman's trainer came to him and said, "Don't forget, this Russian has never lost a match because of his pretzel hold. If he gets you in it, you're finished."

Immediately after the match began, the Russian got the Irishman in the devastating pretzel hold. The trainer couldn't watch any longer, so he turned away. Suddenly, there was a scream, and cheers from the crowd. The trainer looked back to see the Irishman had won the match.

The next day the trainer asked, "How did you get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"

The Irishman answered "Well, I looked up and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my all my strength I bit those babies just as hard as I could."

"So!" the trainer said, "That's what finished him off!"

"No, but you'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!"

[Metacrock]

Mike

LOL!

[MonolithTMA]

Jonathan and Randy were hiking buddies and on this one day in the woods Randy is bitten on the rear end by a huge rattlesnake. Ok, Jonathan says "I'll run to town for a doctor." Jonathan runs as fast as he can for 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby. Jonathan says “My buddy’s been bit by a rattle snake in the woods and needs urgent help right away!” Doc says "I can't leave now, I’m busy!" "But here's what you can do. Take a pocket knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out all the poison and then spit it on the ground." Jonathan runs all the way back to his friend, who is in agony. In extreme pain, Randy screams "Well what did the doctor say?" "He says you're gonna die."